Patsy, Tony and Marilyn’s Little Tush

Among Charlie’s many and varied friends were Patsy and Tony, who owned a Bar and Grille down in Golden’s Bridge. At one point, for some unknown reason, these friends offered Charlie a pair of geese. Charlie, being Charlie, of course gleefully and immediately (before the offer could be rescinded), said, “Thank you” and took them home. And, because Charlie was absolutely certain that the Good Lord intended for all of his creatures to have proper Christian names, he named the geese after the donors, Patsy and Tony. The namesakes were both male. The geese were not. The reason I can be so certain of this is that I have a snapshot of Jenny feeding a gaggle of goslings. And – since Patsy and Tony were the only geese to ever take up residence in the DeMar family compound in Lake Purdys… well, you get the drift… Which of the two was Patsy and which Tony, I really can’t remember. Although “Tony” might be considered the more masculine name, it runs in my mind that Patsy would take off flapping and waddling after her, squawking and nipping at her behind. There was at times, quite a raucous and strange accumulation of running creatures: leading the pack would be Marilyn, hollering for help, little legs pumping as fast as they could; close behind was Patsy, honking, flapping and nipping; Tony would follow along after Patsy – although thankfully, she was all bark and no bite (if you’ll pardon the mixed animal metaphor). Sometimes the other children would join in, trying to shoo Patsy away. (But more often than not, being children, they would just stand around and laugh at Marilyn’s plight.) Usually, whichever dogs happened to be in the immediate vicinity were only too happy to join in the chase. (Mitzi, Skippy and Beansy welcomed any occasion to run and bark.) The chickens pretty much just clucked and scattered, trying to stay out of the way of the noisy activity. Finally, when she heard the commotion and recognized that Marilyn’s bottom was once again at risk, Jenny would outrun and capture Patsy. For a long time, Marilyn’s life was made miserable by the feathered devil named Patsy. Finally, it became clear to the more responsible members of the family that the only solution would be to confine Patsy whenever Marilyn was out and about. (Well, duh! It certainly took them long enough to figure that one out, didn’t it?) No one could ever figure out way it was that Patsy’s fascination extended to no other derriere than Marilyn’s. It forever remained a phenomenon to ponder – and unfortunately, to Marilyn‘s chagrin, to joke about. I don’t know what ever became of Patsy, Tony and their progeny. But I’d be willing to wager that whatever their fate, it involved cranberry sauce, gravy, pumpkin pie and a thankful prayer to the Good Lord for his bountiful blessings. And I’m happy to report that Marilyn’s tush suffered no long-term ill effects – and to this day is doing just fine, thank you.